arranging

The moment Mary arrived home from school I scurried her upstairs to change, grabbed a snack for her and hustled her into the car for her 4-7 pm gymnastics. “I miss you,” I sighed, as we drove the familiar route. “I’m sorry our days are so busy.”

“Don’t worry Mom.” Mary replied, “I think I have time to play with you tomorrow.”

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We are figuring things out around here. Will Xander play soccer or join the cross country team? What time are piano lessons again? Should Hans take driver's ed online?

And I’m trying to figure things out. Although I have five hours to myself every day, I have enough work to fill forty. It's a familiar pattern for me-- pruning my interests to keep my family healthy.

Yesterday, Ben wrote (I updated his missionary blog! Well, mostly.):

Dear Mom,

I really thought a lot about you guys going back to school this last week and I remember when I went down to BYU. The biggest lesson I learned was just how much I loved our family. It's a lesson I'm still learning, but I was so surprised at just how much you meant to me. I remember one weekend when I came home for something. We went to church and had pancakes and played ticket to ride and life just felt so good at home. As I drove away I wanted to cry and to my surprise I did. I stopped crying long enough to pick up Mary and talk to her family, but then as we passed Wasatch I couldn't hold it back any more and after about thirty seconds I had to pull over and Mary was in shock asking me what was wrong. I said I didn't know, just that the day at home had been so good. After a minute I pulled myself together still not completely sure of what had just happened.

The point is that I love you and everyone in our family.

And that's my job, to keep everything good at home. Choosing what is best even when I'm pulled in a dozen directions.



Every few days, Mary wanders into the garden with her little basket. She snips and chooses, tucks her blooms in tiny vases, ponders for a bit and removes the star asters in favor of more lavender.



Her choices are often unexpected-- not the way I'd do it-- but full of surprises, blooms I've ignored, an interesting leaf I haven't noticed before,



each bouquet uniquely, beautifully her own.

I'll get my life arranged; some things will look silly and unnecessary to others, but as long as I wait and choose and ponder, allow some things to fall into place and other to fall out, home will be good,

and beautiful.